Insane Evi Quaid and Randy Quaid Quotes from their Vanity Fair Interview

No matter what you say about Randy Quaid and his wife Evi, here’s an undeniable fact that Randy Quaid and his wife are one hell of a couple. They got arrested for skipping on a hefty hotel bill. He and his wife fled to Canada to avoid the burglary charges and got detained by Canadian authorities.  They were to be deported back to the U.S. but decided to cross the border all by themselves and got arrested while crossing it. Insane Evi Quaid and Randy Quaid Quotes. They did all of this together. The world-famous Hollywood refugee couple was recently interviewed by Vanity Fair and here are a couple of insane Evi Quaid and Randy Quaid quotes that came out of that interview:

Insane Evi Quaid and Randy Quaid Quotes

Evi Quaid called from a pay phone in Vancouver to say that she and her husband, Randy, the actor, had tried to drive to Siberia, but they “couldn’t figure out how to get there.”

Randy Quaid and Evi Quaid Quotes

Now hang on you smart people, don’t call the Quaids stupid right off the bat for trying to think they could DRIVE to Siberia. Maybe they skipped the geography class because they had something important to do. Or it must the conspiracy of the ancient Hollywood cult known as the star whackers. Really, just think about it. According to Quaids, the Star Whackers is just an evil syndicate of executives and agents who can calculate what’s probably going to be a big thing in the near future. Insane Evi Quaid and Randy Quaid Quotes

Maybe one of their executives on crack and made a mistake of predicting Randy Quaid and Evi being big in future when he still in high school. So having thought that Randy would big, they managed to get their geography teachers teach them wrong facts about the planet they live on. And it might be also their physics teachers fault for not teaching them that cars don’t run on water. That’s most likely to have happened.

The car smelled of fast food and dog pee and Randy’s cigars. I asked the Quaids if they were living in their car. “Only on nights when we’re too terrified to leave our stuff or don’t feel secure,” Evi said. “We used to have a Mercedes. This whole ordeal has forced us to become incredibly green.”

Now that we have a perfect theory in place for why the Quaids lack a fundamental knowledge about the geography, we can explain why they don’t have any knowledge of how borders work. So the fled to Canada without thinking of any consequences. But it turns out that they also don’t have any fundamental knowledge of how the world works. When the interviewer from the Vanity Fair inquired about them living in their Prius, they said they were afraid and that the circumstances had turned them ‘incredibly green’. We can bet that they don’t have a clue about what it means. Insane Evi Quaid and Randy Quaid Quotes

Randy Quaid and Evi Quaid Quotes

“Priuses are deceptively roomy,” drawled Randy, who’s originally from Houston. “We’re all people, and the legroom is important.”

Randy Quaid never shies away from sprinkling a little bit of conspiracy in EVERYTHING. Just read this quote. Deceptively…Priuses are DECEPTIVELY roomy. Everything is a conspiracy with Randy Quaid.

“They’re hunting us,” Evi said. “It’s really happening. They’ve got us in a spiral. ‘Don’t let up on ’em. Drive ’em off the road. Starve ’em to death.’ ” She was slapping her hands together for emphasis. “Pull their money out of their bank accounts.”

They, the Star Whackers, have scared the shit out the Quaid. Hey, if someone did a prank on them, just come out it’s not even funny anymore. See how terrified Evi is, who doesn’t know how money works. We know, no one ever said “Starve ‘em to death” about the Quaids, but they think so. They also think that anyone can pull out someone else’s money of their bank account.

“I guess I’m worth more to ’em dead than alive,” Randy said mildly.

We don’t know how Randy Quaid came up to that conclusion. But who’s gonna buy that? Who would buy a dead Randy Quaid when no one even likes to invite the living Randy Quaid to have a beer with him.

Randy Quaid and Evi Quaid Quotes

“They”—the aforementioned Hollywood Star Whackers—“decide, O.K., if we knock off David [Carradine], then what we can do is simply collect the insurance covering his participation in the television show he was working on overseas,” Evi said. “It’s almost moronic, it’s so simple.”

Now we don’t actually believe in the murderous Hollywood cult called the Hollywood Star Whackers. But if they actually exist, we bet they’re having some bad days. Not because they’re having a tough time while catching the Quaid’s, but because they’re catching the Quaids. And they’re targeting the Quaids, right after knocking off David Carradine for his insurance money thinking that it might go to the ones who murdered him, right? Oh come on now Star Whackers, that’s ‘moronic’.

She said she also suspected Jeremy Piven’s falling ill from mercury poisoning was another sign of a dastardly plot by the Broadway producers of Speed-the-Plow to collect insurance money. “It was an orchestrated hit,” she said. “They could have put mescaline in his water bottle.”

For the first time in forever, we got to here a new famous name as the target of the infamous Star Whackers. Randy Quaid’s wife Evi claimed that Jeremy Piven fell ill because of the Hollywood Star Whackers. We don’t know about the star whackers but Jeremy Piven would have died laughing when he read this if he read this. Evi suspected that the Hollywood murderers slipped some ‘mescaline’ in his water bottle. How she got to that conclusion, who knows. But she thinks like a criminal that’s for sure. Insane Evi Quaid and Randy Quaid Quotes.

But why did Evi choose ‘mescaline’ of all drugs and a psychedelic at that? Maybe because the Quaids were familiar with Mescaline, a psychedelic with hallucinogenic effects just as of LSDs. But why were the Quaids familiar with mescaline? Perhaps because they use it! That must be it. That must be the reason why Randy Quaid and his wife Evi fabricated the Hollywood Star Whackers. They were under the effect of Mescaline. They were taking Mescaline.